The Second

I'm posting again already. Yay for my ONE follower. I am hearting you, Allison.

But see, here's the thing. I have a crisis in my hands. I have never ever been so VASTLY aware of how FEMALE I am. I wouldn't say this is a bad thing per se. It's just that... well...

I've always been... kind of behind the times when it comes to being girly. I didn't much see the point of dolls... except that I would pit them against each other in epic battles. And then I didn't really CARE about boys. In fact, I took pride in the fact that I was immune to "crushes". These things were like diseases rampant among all my peers -- diseases, because they only cause trouble. I even kind of liked the game where everyone gangs up on you and asks you who you like -- because although no one ever believed me when I told them no one, I felt a little superior knowing deep inside that I really was telling the truth when I said I didn't like anyone.

Then I came to BYU, and wha-blammy!

Somehow I just haven't been immune any more. First boy I met: major crush. And I mean MAJOR.

It took me approximately three weeks to finally realize what had happened: I, Jenna, was indeed, love's next casualty.

I was devastated -- so devastated in fact, that I curled up on the couch in fetal position and sobbed. I like somebody? How is this possible? Why now? And WHY couldn't it have waited until AFTER freshman year when all the guys in my ward would be return missionaries. NOT premies -- who are all tragically and permanently unavailable (well, three years IS forever).

Even worse? My roommate came out into the kitchen where the couch was and, as she began to cook, glanced over at me knowingly and asked, "A boy?"

I nodded and started to cry even harder. I'm so tragically NORMAL now. She didn't even have to ask... because boys are what EVERY girl cries about ALL the time. And then, sniffling, I took comfort in the remembrance that people supposedly get over their crushes, and then life goes back to normal, and everything is peachy again until the next crush.

Unfortunately though, I am beginning to wonder if I'm immune to the getting-over-it phase...

But I can deal with that.

It's the latest occurrence that worries me, and it doesn't have anything to do with boys (except... well, you know...): children.

I started noticing it as I was shadowing Dr. Harrison. She's a family practice doctor, but she also does a lot of obstetrics and pediatrics as part of that. Which means, when I'm shadowing her, I also see a lot of pregnant women and a lot of small children.

And, oh. This is even WORSE than the falling in love gig. The boy thing is bearable once you actually find somebody you want to date that also wants to date you...

The baby thing is a BAD bug to catch, in my opinion. I mean, BLAST! I don't LIKE that weird little feeling I get when I see small children. It makes me a little uncomfortable, honestly, because there is nothing I can do about it currently except 1) ignore it, or 2) make fun of it and then hope it gets embarrassed and runs away.

I mean, kids will SOMEDAY be an option but prerequisite to it becoming an option includes 1) finding a guy who likes me well enough to propose, 2) me actually saying "YES!" and then 3) not getting too scared to take it back, and finally 4) me and him saying "I do" on wedding day. And then who knows how long it'll be after that.

However long it is, thanks to the screaming oxytocin coursing through my system, a significant portion of my being thinks it is FAR too long. I see a baby and I want to steal. And then the pregnant women -- pure envy.

Perhaps my female peers will understand. I certainly don't.